ok, maybe short of shutting this oft neglected blog down officially, I should just throw something up once in a while.

mostly ive been updated the flickr site like crazy, and I've been starting to add more anecdotal photo descriptions... probably a better outlet for that kind of thing anyway.

bottom line is, living in the middle of the countryside in a place that you dont belong is hard. Real hard.

I get really tired of not being a functional member of society. It makes me miss home so much sometimes, and especially my friends and family.

But this is huge. really big. in terms of learning experiences its like just part of my education. It's great.

and I won't realize how much it will affect me until years down the line.

Tabun dekimasu.

Heart Jeff.

Have a nice

Finally, here is an update from me, to you. I had meant to post the entry below over a month ago, but it would seem that moving and changing jobs in another country can sort of, hmm, occupy your time pretty effectively. I'm exhausted right now, and in little condition to edit, (comma splice), but this stuff must be expunged. Please excuse the plaintive tone. I started to change it around for tense and mood but honestly thats what I was feeling when I wrote it, so there it is. And the length! But it is catching up a few months worth. Blechem. New music also.

The new job has its ups and downs too of course, but on the whole it is fantastic. Funny happens a lot more, too.

Writing in a blog still feels vaguely masturbatory and a little bit strange to me, but I think it is ultimately more important that the people I care about have the option of knowing what I am doing- and I can't deny that this makes it easier for me to do that. So please read, and wherever you are, I heart you.

Onwards, Upwards!

That hissing sound you hear is my sigh of relief.

After six months in Japan and not all that much to show for it, I finally have something good to share. New job!! Beginning April 3, I'll be working in a Japanese Junior High school as an assistant language teacher. I'll be working for a private company, but it is the same job that the JET program hires for. I am ridiculously happy about this. I can finally plan for the rest of the year now, and start studying Japanese in earnest since I know I will be here long enough to make it worthwhile. Sugoiiii yo. I'll be moving from Nagoya (which is, Ill finally admit, a bit of an armpit- though its grown on me...) to Hiroshima. I'll be living in one of the most important places in the history of the twentieth century. I'll be on a divable coast again. I'll be right next to Miyajima, which is a world heritage site and full of shrines and torii and deer. I'll be living alone in my own apartment, and I'll have a car. A car!! I got an international license in two easy steps: (step 1) copying your american license's information into some 20 or so languages and (step 2) paying 15 dollars. How this qualifies me to drive here I have absolutely no idea, but whatever. Here I come, bizarro driving.

I feel like I've won the lottery. Two days ago I didn't even know if I would be able to stay in Japan. I didn't even know where I would be living. There was even the slim chance I would become homeless for a few weeks and have to live with friends. I've never been that stressed in my life. I was having heart palpitations and couldn't sleep. I was pretty close to just calling a mulligan and flying home. I'd not yet done what I wanted to do here, but it hasnt been all bad! I've met some really good people (some of them were even Japanese!) and I've even managed to save a little money.

And I can finally talk about it!! And I promise to! For real this time! I'm going to write about what I've been doing, how bad the company is, the good points of the work (there were a few of those too), all the stuff that has actually been great including some stuff about Japanese culture, and what I will be doing soon. So after two or three abortive attempts at keeping you, my cherished friends and family, updated on my going ons, how can I be so sure this time? Cause I've already written most of it, that's why. I was going to post it all at once, but it turned out to be insanely long. Better to chop it up a little. So things are actually in the pipes this time. I know at least Maggie will be reading this to kill time at work, and I hope maybe a few more of you will check it out every once in a while too.

In the meantime though, I've started to take a lot of photos and post them at Flickr. So far there's a set from last summer at Morehead City (oh man do I miss last summer...), the naked running man festival, and the penis festival. What? Penis festival? Yes. This is definitely why I came to Japan. Also some familiar scenery from the awesome house years has gone digital, apologies to those of you who were taken early enough to be actual film prints, and to a couple of folks whose digital files have been scattered to the ewinds somewhere.

Next:

So, what in the effing hell have I been doing for the last half year?

I have to say sorry for not keeping up with people, with the notable exception of the few of you who have jobs where you spend a sizable chunk of your time logged into aim, you lazy gits. I'm not so great at keeping in touch anyway, and even less so when I've got little to share but complaints. Now that I've got solid plans and am finally on my way out of the swamp I've been bogging around in, I can explain a little bit about what it was that I've been doing this whole time.

I've been working for Nova Group. Nova is what is known as a "giant, evil corporation" This isn't just based on my opinion; my opinion happens to be the same thing, but I actually have third party support on this one. Check out this article about a recent government investigation on their questionably aggressive student recruitment practices (and thats how they treat the students for God's sake.) Also last month seven instructors in Osaka were arrested for having cocaine. That's a huge deal here for the public image and a pretty stupid move for those seven instructors as Japan is unbelievably strict on drugs (any amount of possession is a felony!!) Nova's stock has fallen like balls and instructors are quitting like there's a doorprize for it. Even student attendance has significantly dropped. I hope they go bankrupt, but they won't; they're enormous.

So, what in the effing hell do I do every day?

Well, most days I come into work and teach eight forty minute lessons- five on a short day. Four lessons, lunch break, four more. The lessons can be anywhere from one to four adult students, or a class of screaming children. I have to teach only out of the company books, and I must have taught every lesson a dozen times by now. I can regurgitate several of the listening activities in their entirity without peeking. I usually have ten minutes between lessons to "prepare", which consists of finding a lesson that nobody has done in a while and then making snarky comments with my coworker Charles. I work in a tiny little branch in the outskirts of the city, so I see the same students over and over again. Over and over and over. Some of them I really like and some of them I want to smack in the face, but for the most part they are agreeable people who genuinely want to improve their language skills. Whether or not they actually do is another question entirely.

To be fair, some of them do. One woman had quit her job when I got here in September and started coming almost every day. I have no idea how she can afford it, but damn if it didn't work! She went from the fourth level to the sixth level in six months, which is pretty impressive. We have other students who have been coming for years without improving at all. They just keep coming and doing the same lessons three, four, sometimes even five times. Two nightmare student's of ours have taken all of the first level classes so many times they got a mercy pass. The first level is almost nothing except "my name is (blank)" and "what is that?"!!! Let's let the good times roll!

I'm not allowed to speak Japanese in class. Fair enough, especially for higher levels who should be able to understand an english explanation, it is for their practice after all. But not even to teach vocabulary to low level students? Why go through ten minutes of gesturing to explain here and there when you could just tell them the meaning, get on with it, and not waste their time with a game of charades? Im not allowed to speak Japanese out of class either, which just seems crazy to me. Now that Im a lame duck, Ive been chatting to some of my favorite students between classes or jotting down Japanese. It's pretty funny; they're amazed that I can even say hello after six months of pretending not to understand "arigato."

Instructors are not allowed to interact with students outside of the workplace. Fair enough, as far as dating or teaching lessons for free is concerned, but the Nova policy extends to ANY CONTACT AT ALL. Be it an email, a cup of coffee on your lunch break, or basically any situation which might offer a chance at a meaningful cultural exchange. Honestly, I even felt uncomfortable talking to students in the hall or running into them on the street. Furthur, it is inclusive of all students at any branch. And of course people break it, all the time. I didn't though, I just got really, really, really angry to be put in a position where it was the correct thing to break the rules. The policy is absurd, and actually illegal. An instructor a few years ago even won a court case against the company for demoting him for seeing a student. It's unethical for a contract to dictate behaviour outside of the workplace like that. They left the clause in though. Yay fascism!

I'm not allowed to explain grammar in the classroom. Fair enough again, as students get drilled in English in public school and should either know it already or be sick of it even if they dont. They are there to practice speaking, and that what I am supposed to try to get them to do. But it kills me not to be able to say "adjective." Studying Japanese has made me appreciate a holistic approach to learning, but im prohibited by my job to share that. Children naturally learn grammar through trial and error over the course of the first six to eight years of their life, but adults should appreciate the luxury they have of being able to actively understand it in a much shorter time.

At the bottom of all this is one simple fact: I am not a teacher here, I am a conversation partner. Nova's methodology only really works under a very specific set of circumstances. A student who already knows at least a little bit about grammar and has a decent starting vocabulary can get a lot of mileage out of the face to face practice time with a native speaker, and I'm not about to dismiss the positive benefits of that. I've had quite a few students who fit this mold, and not only do they improve dramatically, they're also a joy to talk to. Unfortunately, these are also often the students who are the first to realize they don't need to crap money to practice English. They usually quit Nova in favor of a cheaper better private teacher, or just (gasp!) make friends with somebody. One of my favorite students, Takuya, was really a neat guy. He had spent a few years in India in his youth and was always eager to chat about anything at all. Charles always said he could "talk the ass off a unicorn." He got frustrated with the strict format of the lessons and all the useless repetition, and quit.

My time with this company has been pretty pock marked. I spent a lot of the time feeling really miserable- and I always hated to admit where I worked. But I made it here, and I haven't left, and I'm finally moving on. I have to apologize again for not keeping in touch with most people, but honestly I knew that no one needing to hear me bitch from across the other side of the world, and to those that did here and abroad, thanks. Tara and Ian! This means you! I realize I could have had a much better time if I just knew how to relax and not worry about things so much, but doing so is what provided the impetus for seeking out change. I still can't completely diss the Nova route for experiencing Japan. Many of the people I met through this company were actually pretty cool, they just stuck it out to do the travel, and I really respect that. It's only because I wasn't sure what was next that made me so miserable.

In any case, new awaits. Onwards! upwards!

Lucky Duck

On the other side of the world, still. No change there. Might buy a camera. Might take pictures. Still waiting on new job. Patience is a tough one. Seeing yo la tengo on thursday, thanks Tara and Ian. Came all this way to watch an American band. Ha! For my birthday went to a Brazilian steakhouse. It was fantastic. All you can eat (a relative rarity, 'japan' actually means 'land of thin rice peoples' (that's totally a lie)) buffet coupled with a man armed with spits of meat who revisits your table every five minutes- that is a winning combo. Chicken hearts, turkey, steak, lamb, fried plantains, more meat that i cant remember...

oh baby.

Short Valentine's Poem

Insert
forced metaphor:
here.

Hilarious students, part 1

So here's something...

As it turns out, talking to Japanese people all day can yield some pretty funny statements. Most of the time the humor comes from obvious engrishness or funny misconceptions, but occasionally you'll get either a genuinely funny student, or an oddball circumstance. A little info: salaryman is Japanglish for businessman... it's actually derived from the English words salary and man, though I have never heard of anyone actually saying that in English (has anyone?) It's a blanket term- almost everybody with an office job will refer to themselves as such and only under pressure try to explain what they actually do with their time. Despite my best efforts, some of my students' day to day going ons are still pretty mysterious. Anyway, here's a funny dialogue from the other day's lesson about managing your finances.

me: what do you do with the money you earn at work?
salaryman: I don't know.
me: ???
salaryman: I just give it to my wife.
me: oh I see.
me:...
me: do you have any credit cards?
salaryman: yes, I have 14, plus one secret.
me: secret card?
salaryman: yes, for things I don't want to explain to my wife.
me: (brushing the obvious creepiness off) ahhh, I see... hahahaha, like golf clubs!
me:...
me: So what would you do if you won a million dollars right now?
salaryman: I would give it to my family... and then leave!
me: ...[wow]

60 bpm.

There is nothing on God's green earth that I hate more than a ticking clock.


My parents have one in the kitchen at home and the very fist thing I do when I visit is take the battery out. Mom hated that at first but I think she's accepted it now. Can't sleep in the same house as it. It's ashame, too, because grandfather clocks look really great- and I'd love to have one someday- but I think my aversion to their sound will always prevent it.

All of this is true, but of course its allegorical.

And here, finally, after five months... is the first picture I took in Japan at my hotel in Osaka. Set the tone, this... and boy sometimes I do feel like a monster tall Gaijin around here. I'm lucky though... my head just barely grazes the doorframes! Ian cracks his skull on stuff all the time.

They are trying to replace us.

Here's a picture of me with a bunch of adorable six year old kids. I don't know why but everybody gives the peace sign over here, so I did too. Hooray!

Self fulfilling prophecy, this.

At least I left the GIF of the cat up.

So a recent email from the Maggie of all Maggies herself informed me that, wait... nobody knows what the hell I'm doing here, and that it's my own damned fault. That's what a blog is for, right? So, sorry. Here's the short of things:

I've been in Japan for 4 and a half months, broke and at a job I despise. Rather than go into all the chilling details, I'd prefer to just let that alone for the time being. I've met some really cool people so far and done a little bit of travelling, but not nearly enough of either. I was in pretty good shape when I left, owing to six months of carrying scuba tanks for seven hours a day, but since I've been here I've dropped from a 33 inch waste to almost a 31. That's absolutely nuts, of course, but I guess that's what happens when you replace hamburgers with steamed rice.

Basically I've been spending an awful lot of time just trying to be comfortable- a feeling that is only now beginning to materialize. I've been writing and producing music on my computer a fair bit, but most all of it is early stage demo not finished by any means yet stuff that won't be heard for a while. Hopefully by the time I come back I'll have a good slew of material to form up another album, but it's slow going on this one and that's ok with me.

So about that coming back...

Yes, I am. Don't worry ma, don't worry pa... despite all conjecture to the contrary I have no intention of staying in Japan, or even abroad, for more than a few years at most. That said, I haven't yet gotten out of this living-in-a-foreign-country thing what I really came here for.

So it's another year for me.

With any luck, come March the stars will be aligning: new job with better pay and more benefits tangible and otherwise, new single apartment in the middle of the city with plenty of aural space to practice in, two weeks of paid vacation at the precise moment it becomes financially viable for me to actually travel. Basically, it has taken me this good six months to figure my ish out, and that's not such a bad timeframe especially when you're talking about moving to another freakin country for God's sake. The persistent unease I've been feeling- like I need to be able to run away at any moment- has finally been lifting. It's been remarkably similar to the feeling I had just before and after graduation too...

So that's the short of things. I promise to keep this thing updated, because it really is a good way to stay in touch with the people I care about. So thanks Maggs for spurring me to action.

Less than two more months of the language mill! More to come.

PS

Look who we've got our...

Here is a little kid I teach. He's kind of a monster, though of the slightly lovable sort. Just wanted to point out what's written on his shirt. Isn't it a small world, after all? Huh? Isn't it?

Next: More than you ever asked to know about where I work and what I do.

しつれい　します
Shitsurei Shimasu!

名古屋！

Some might say: "Where in the hell is Nagoya?" and well, they'd be right. Nagoya is Japan's fourth largest city (right after Tokyo, Yokohama, and Osaka) with around 2.2 million people. Here is a crappy map, it's between Tokyo and Kyoto. A lot of these people, as I have since confirmed through observation, are Japanese. Actually, probably most of them are Japanese. Despite this unsurprising fact, there are a LOT of foreigners here. You can pretty much rest assured that if you're near a subway station, you can probably hit a gaijin with a rock if you have a decent arm. This is because none of them have cars, and they are always out drinking.

"Gaijin," or "外人," is a slightly pejorative term for foreigner. In common usage, it means "outsider," but a lot of us refer to ourselves this way. Though I'm not exactly awesome at reading kanji, the best I can tell for these is that it comes from the symbol for "exterior" (外) plus the symbol for "person" (人). Interestingly enough, the sound "gai" is also a word by itself meaning 'harm.' It might not be too much of a stretch to make a connection with that one, but the kanji is completely different for the stand alone word (害) so hey, I dunno. Fourth largest city in a modern developed country. Visions of Tokyo! Oh the expanse of tops of heads on subway trains! The bustling night life! Well... not exactly. Nagoya is known throughout Japan as the "rural city." Hell, most people don't even think of it as a city at all compared to the fungal expanse of the more than eight million people that constitute Tokyo. Let's get one thing straight though: Nagoya is a city. It has buildings, it has a subway, people walk to get where they're going... it's a city, people. Maybe being from a small town skews my perspective a bit on this, but spades are spades!

City it is indeed; nightlife it has. Six level dance club full of buxom Brazilians and the Caucasions who love them? Check. Skyscrapers? Yes, a couple, anyway. All in all, it's not too bad a place. Though I have to say (in slight incongruence with my earlier gripes) that it so far hasn't really sported that "big city" vibe that you get from walking around New York or London. To quote a recent biopic: "each neighborhood is another world- replete with its own intricacies--"... that not so much. I will be the first to admit, though, that this might have an awful lot to do with my inability to really talk to anybody or even begin to understand those intricacies.　わたしわがいぶをみりますね。I see the exteriors, you know? Add to this the fact that somebody decimated the city with bombs around the middle of the 20th century. Nagoya does not have an old feel... even it's most famous landmark has escalators. Once again, I blame my lack of simple communication skills.. a difficulty I hope to remedy through the cunning use of... bilingual Japanese friends!

Well, I'm only half kidding. Truth be told, I've finally started to make an honest effort to learn the language. It's pretty difficult, but probably not so hard as people give it credit for. That said, even one of my (Japanese) students today said: "Oh.... Japanese is very hard. I am not very good at it." Great, so what chance do I have then, buddy?

Just for good measure:

Metablog would be a good transformer name.

There is something strange, something mildly irritating about the self publishing phenomenon. Myspace, Youtube, Facebook, weblogs- they all assume that someone out there cares what you think and who you are. I guess it is pretty negative of me, but I’ve always felt like it’s just a little narcissistic to make that assumption. Thus, no weblog till today. Thus, a myspace that lies mostly dormant, with the occasional ratty demo flotsam breaking the surface. Thus... well don’t even get me started on facebook. Hey, facebook! Listen to me! (I have a weblog now, so that anyone and everyone can listen to me.) You do not need to know where I am at the moment. Away messages were creepy enough on instant messenger, so we turned them into little proto-blogs and tried to be quippish. You’re overreaching your usefulness as an online directory! Hurry up and sell out like those grinning billionaire youtube guys!

Not to mention articles like this- numerous and rather chilling. As an ardent hater of many things authoritarian, my first reaction to these news articles (a significantly large one of which appeared in Newsweek, followed closely by a fairly illuminating op-ed) is to cry foul. ‘Hey!’ I say, ‘That kind of thing is personal! Private! It’s unfair to take a person’s personal life into consideration when offering them a job! Judge on the basis of their work history and qualifications, not what or whether or how much they like to drink.” And you know, I still feel that way, with one very important difference... Facebook is NOT private. Myspace, youtube, blogs- they are NOT private. They’re the new forum, the epitome of public space. Where we may have failed with tree lined parks and puppies and sunshine we have succeeding in the unfathomably democratizing force of practically unlimited virtual space. The nation’s dirtiest, poorest, most drug addled hobo can start his very own weblog at his public library, if he is so motivated and so inclined, and can spa’ change the whole world, virtually! (thanks for the new verb, shorts-over-pants.) This illusion of privacy, its just something we are going to have to get over. Everyone is on gmail now. I love gmail, it’s great. Every email, from the most personal to the most mundane penile enlargement spam, right there at your fingertips. You can even access it from anywhere in the world. It is so convenient! But it’s also a little strange- the emails themselves, the bits and bytes, we don’t possess them. They exist in a server somewhere in silicon valley. We don’t really know who has access to them, do we? It’s caveat emptor for the twenty first century. Google seems to be a long way from the start up that used 'Don't be evil' as theit corporate mantra. Oh God, don't click on that... it makes my eyes bleed just to look at it. Trust me it's there.

Alright, enough totalitarian insinuations from this still proudly party unaffiliated politico. The point I’m really trying to make is this: blogs have always given me the willies because they imply a personal area that simply isn’t there. Anyone can access most of them, and they are simply not in the physical possession of their creators- a hair splitting fact that usually gets lost in the shuffle of the great big e-universe. Which is why I promise this will not be a journal of my personal life, nor a way too much information look into my most heartfelt feelings. I just want to believe that the people I care about will want to hear what I’m doing, what I’m thinking. Ultimately, that is what fuels this fire- the fact that yes, no matter who you are, somebody does care what you’re doing, what you’re thinking. All that said, and privacy (perceived and real) issues aside... sociologically this stuff is simply fantastic!!! I just needed to get that off my chest before I started a blog myself.

To end on a good note- I’m going to be an uncle, again! This time to what I hope will be a marvelously adorable little boy- half Fowler and half lithuanian! My sterling brother is one signature away from being married, so kudos go to him and his now-fiancee Nijole.

Also, in the spirit of embarrassing personal confessions- yes... when I’m really bored I go on you tube and watch douchebags play heavy metal, shred style. I do not know why I do this. I am sorry in the name of all that is musically acceptable. But I would like to karmically rectify my transgressions by offering up this insanely stupid, and insanely hilarious, rebuttal cum parody. Please pay special attention to the way this guy pronounces ‘buddy’. Not bad.

So pictures, actual info about Japan (and what I’m doing here), and other good stuff to come. If you made it this far, thanks for reading.

here is a blog.

Ok. So here is a blog. I've never had a blog before. I have mixed feelings; misgivings.

I'd like to think that this will be an excellent way to let people who want to keep in touch with me and/or hear about what I'm doing 'these days' do so easily. Maybe it will save me some typing of multiple emails. I've been pretty bad about keeping in touch with a lot of people, except for Yuri, cause he's always on AIM for some reason. I'd like to think that I am going to write some things that people might want to read, too. Being in another country, after all, is damned interesting to me, and I hope I can maybe convey a little of the experience. Maybe I'll publish a brilliant series of insightful articles that will be collected and printed hardback.

Maybe. Ha!

My prediction, though, is that I will put up a few things: some pictures, some postings, a couple of articles maybe... and then let it share the fate of the literally thousands of geocities pages still floating out in the ether somewhere. No interest to anyone unless they’re looking for an animated .gif of a cat. We'll see how it goes.