ok, maybe short of shutting this oft neglected blog down officially, I should just throw something up once in a while.

mostly ive been updated the flickr site like crazy, and I've been starting to add more anecdotal photo descriptions... probably a better outlet for that kind of thing anyway.

bottom line is, living in the middle of the countryside in a place that you dont belong is hard. Real hard.

I get really tired of not being a functional member of society. It makes me miss home so much sometimes, and especially my friends and family.

But this is huge. really big. in terms of learning experiences its like just part of my education. It's great.

and I won't realize how much it will affect me until years down the line.

Tabun dekimasu.

Heart Jeff.

Have a nice

Finally, here is an update from me, to you. I had meant to post the entry below over a month ago, but it would seem that moving and changing jobs in another country can sort of, hmm, occupy your time pretty effectively. I'm exhausted right now, and in little condition to edit, (comma splice), but this stuff must be expunged. Please excuse the plaintive tone. I started to change it around for tense and mood but honestly thats what I was feeling when I wrote it, so there it is. And the length! But it is catching up a few months worth. Blechem. New music also.

The new job has its ups and downs too of course, but on the whole it is fantastic. Funny happens a lot more, too.

Writing in a blog still feels vaguely masturbatory and a little bit strange to me, but I think it is ultimately more important that the people I care about have the option of knowing what I am doing- and I can't deny that this makes it easier for me to do that. So please read, and wherever you are, I heart you.

Onwards, Upwards!

That hissing sound you hear is my sigh of relief.

After six months in Japan and not all that much to show for it, I finally have something good to share. New job!! Beginning April 3, I'll be working in a Japanese Junior High school as an assistant language teacher. I'll be working for a private company, but it is the same job that the JET program hires for. I am ridiculously happy about this. I can finally plan for the rest of the year now, and start studying Japanese in earnest since I know I will be here long enough to make it worthwhile. Sugoiiii yo. I'll be moving from Nagoya (which is, Ill finally admit, a bit of an armpit- though its grown on me...) to Hiroshima. I'll be living in one of the most important places in the history of the twentieth century. I'll be on a divable coast again. I'll be right next to Miyajima, which is a world heritage site and full of shrines and torii and deer. I'll be living alone in my own apartment, and I'll have a car. A car!! I got an international license in two easy steps: (step 1) copying your american license's information into some 20 or so languages and (step 2) paying 15 dollars. How this qualifies me to drive here I have absolutely no idea, but whatever. Here I come, bizarro driving.

I feel like I've won the lottery. Two days ago I didn't even know if I would be able to stay in Japan. I didn't even know where I would be living. There was even the slim chance I would become homeless for a few weeks and have to live with friends. I've never been that stressed in my life. I was having heart palpitations and couldn't sleep. I was pretty close to just calling a mulligan and flying home. I'd not yet done what I wanted to do here, but it hasnt been all bad! I've met some really good people (some of them were even Japanese!) and I've even managed to save a little money.

And I can finally talk about it!! And I promise to! For real this time! I'm going to write about what I've been doing, how bad the company is, the good points of the work (there were a few of those too), all the stuff that has actually been great including some stuff about Japanese culture, and what I will be doing soon. So after two or three abortive attempts at keeping you, my cherished friends and family, updated on my going ons, how can I be so sure this time? Cause I've already written most of it, that's why. I was going to post it all at once, but it turned out to be insanely long. Better to chop it up a little. So things are actually in the pipes this time. I know at least Maggie will be reading this to kill time at work, and I hope maybe a few more of you will check it out every once in a while too.

In the meantime though, I've started to take a lot of photos and post them at Flickr. So far there's a set from last summer at Morehead City (oh man do I miss last summer...), the naked running man festival, and the penis festival. What? Penis festival? Yes. This is definitely why I came to Japan. Also some familiar scenery from the awesome house years has gone digital, apologies to those of you who were taken early enough to be actual film prints, and to a couple of folks whose digital files have been scattered to the ewinds somewhere.

Next:

So, what in the effing hell have I been doing for the last half year?

I have to say sorry for not keeping up with people, with the notable exception of the few of you who have jobs where you spend a sizable chunk of your time logged into aim, you lazy gits. I'm not so great at keeping in touch anyway, and even less so when I've got little to share but complaints. Now that I've got solid plans and am finally on my way out of the swamp I've been bogging around in, I can explain a little bit about what it was that I've been doing this whole time.

I've been working for Nova Group. Nova is what is known as a "giant, evil corporation" This isn't just based on my opinion; my opinion happens to be the same thing, but I actually have third party support on this one. Check out this article about a recent government investigation on their questionably aggressive student recruitment practices (and thats how they treat the students for God's sake.) Also last month seven instructors in Osaka were arrested for having cocaine. That's a huge deal here for the public image and a pretty stupid move for those seven instructors as Japan is unbelievably strict on drugs (any amount of possession is a felony!!) Nova's stock has fallen like balls and instructors are quitting like there's a doorprize for it. Even student attendance has significantly dropped. I hope they go bankrupt, but they won't; they're enormous.

So, what in the effing hell do I do every day?

Well, most days I come into work and teach eight forty minute lessons- five on a short day. Four lessons, lunch break, four more. The lessons can be anywhere from one to four adult students, or a class of screaming children. I have to teach only out of the company books, and I must have taught every lesson a dozen times by now. I can regurgitate several of the listening activities in their entirity without peeking. I usually have ten minutes between lessons to "prepare", which consists of finding a lesson that nobody has done in a while and then making snarky comments with my coworker Charles. I work in a tiny little branch in the outskirts of the city, so I see the same students over and over again. Over and over and over. Some of them I really like and some of them I want to smack in the face, but for the most part they are agreeable people who genuinely want to improve their language skills. Whether or not they actually do is another question entirely.

To be fair, some of them do. One woman had quit her job when I got here in September and started coming almost every day. I have no idea how she can afford it, but damn if it didn't work! She went from the fourth level to the sixth level in six months, which is pretty impressive. We have other students who have been coming for years without improving at all. They just keep coming and doing the same lessons three, four, sometimes even five times. Two nightmare student's of ours have taken all of the first level classes so many times they got a mercy pass. The first level is almost nothing except "my name is (blank)" and "what is that?"!!! Let's let the good times roll!

I'm not allowed to speak Japanese in class. Fair enough, especially for higher levels who should be able to understand an english explanation, it is for their practice after all. But not even to teach vocabulary to low level students? Why go through ten minutes of gesturing to explain here and there when you could just tell them the meaning, get on with it, and not waste their time with a game of charades? Im not allowed to speak Japanese out of class either, which just seems crazy to me. Now that Im a lame duck, Ive been chatting to some of my favorite students between classes or jotting down Japanese. It's pretty funny; they're amazed that I can even say hello after six months of pretending not to understand "arigato."

Instructors are not allowed to interact with students outside of the workplace. Fair enough, as far as dating or teaching lessons for free is concerned, but the Nova policy extends to ANY CONTACT AT ALL. Be it an email, a cup of coffee on your lunch break, or basically any situation which might offer a chance at a meaningful cultural exchange. Honestly, I even felt uncomfortable talking to students in the hall or running into them on the street. Furthur, it is inclusive of all students at any branch. And of course people break it, all the time. I didn't though, I just got really, really, really angry to be put in a position where it was the correct thing to break the rules. The policy is absurd, and actually illegal. An instructor a few years ago even won a court case against the company for demoting him for seeing a student. It's unethical for a contract to dictate behaviour outside of the workplace like that. They left the clause in though. Yay fascism!

I'm not allowed to explain grammar in the classroom. Fair enough again, as students get drilled in English in public school and should either know it already or be sick of it even if they dont. They are there to practice speaking, and that what I am supposed to try to get them to do. But it kills me not to be able to say "adjective." Studying Japanese has made me appreciate a holistic approach to learning, but im prohibited by my job to share that. Children naturally learn grammar through trial and error over the course of the first six to eight years of their life, but adults should appreciate the luxury they have of being able to actively understand it in a much shorter time.

At the bottom of all this is one simple fact: I am not a teacher here, I am a conversation partner. Nova's methodology only really works under a very specific set of circumstances. A student who already knows at least a little bit about grammar and has a decent starting vocabulary can get a lot of mileage out of the face to face practice time with a native speaker, and I'm not about to dismiss the positive benefits of that. I've had quite a few students who fit this mold, and not only do they improve dramatically, they're also a joy to talk to. Unfortunately, these are also often the students who are the first to realize they don't need to crap money to practice English. They usually quit Nova in favor of a cheaper better private teacher, or just (gasp!) make friends with somebody. One of my favorite students, Takuya, was really a neat guy. He had spent a few years in India in his youth and was always eager to chat about anything at all. Charles always said he could "talk the ass off a unicorn." He got frustrated with the strict format of the lessons and all the useless repetition, and quit.

My time with this company has been pretty pock marked. I spent a lot of the time feeling really miserable- and I always hated to admit where I worked. But I made it here, and I haven't left, and I'm finally moving on. I have to apologize again for not keeping in touch with most people, but honestly I knew that no one needing to hear me bitch from across the other side of the world, and to those that did here and abroad, thanks. Tara and Ian! This means you! I realize I could have had a much better time if I just knew how to relax and not worry about things so much, but doing so is what provided the impetus for seeking out change. I still can't completely diss the Nova route for experiencing Japan. Many of the people I met through this company were actually pretty cool, they just stuck it out to do the travel, and I really respect that. It's only because I wasn't sure what was next that made me so miserable.

In any case, new awaits. Onwards! upwards!

Lucky Duck

On the other side of the world, still. No change there. Might buy a camera. Might take pictures. Still waiting on new job. Patience is a tough one. Seeing yo la tengo on thursday, thanks Tara and Ian. Came all this way to watch an American band. Ha! For my birthday went to a Brazilian steakhouse. It was fantastic. All you can eat (a relative rarity, 'japan' actually means 'land of thin rice peoples' (that's totally a lie)) buffet coupled with a man armed with spits of meat who revisits your table every five minutes- that is a winning combo. Chicken hearts, turkey, steak, lamb, fried plantains, more meat that i cant remember...

oh baby.

Short Valentine's Poem

Insert
forced metaphor:
here.

Hilarious students, part 1

So here's something...

As it turns out, talking to Japanese people all day can yield some pretty funny statements. Most of the time the humor comes from obvious engrishness or funny misconceptions, but occasionally you'll get either a genuinely funny student, or an oddball circumstance. A little info: salaryman is Japanglish for businessman... it's actually derived from the English words salary and man, though I have never heard of anyone actually saying that in English (has anyone?) It's a blanket term- almost everybody with an office job will refer to themselves as such and only under pressure try to explain what they actually do with their time. Despite my best efforts, some of my students' day to day going ons are still pretty mysterious. Anyway, here's a funny dialogue from the other day's lesson about managing your finances.

me: what do you do with the money you earn at work?
salaryman: I don't know.
me: ???
salaryman: I just give it to my wife.
me: oh I see.
me:...
me: do you have any credit cards?
salaryman: yes, I have 14, plus one secret.
me: secret card?
salaryman: yes, for things I don't want to explain to my wife.
me: (brushing the obvious creepiness off) ahhh, I see... hahahaha, like golf clubs!
me:...
me: So what would you do if you won a million dollars right now?
salaryman: I would give it to my family... and then leave!
me: ...[wow]

60 bpm.

There is nothing on God's green earth that I hate more than a ticking clock.


My parents have one in the kitchen at home and the very fist thing I do when I visit is take the battery out. Mom hated that at first but I think she's accepted it now. Can't sleep in the same house as it. It's ashame, too, because grandfather clocks look really great- and I'd love to have one someday- but I think my aversion to their sound will always prevent it.

All of this is true, but of course its allegorical.

And here, finally, after five months... is the first picture I took in Japan at my hotel in Osaka. Set the tone, this... and boy sometimes I do feel like a monster tall Gaijin around here. I'm lucky though... my head just barely grazes the doorframes! Ian cracks his skull on stuff all the time.